Conflicts with your child's school are difficult for many reasons. When parents disagree with teachers, conflicts sometimes arise. This usually occurs when schools and parents disagree on individual education programs and services to be delivered. To successfully manage school conflicts, prepare ahead of time, and learn negotiating skills that will keep the focus on your child's needs.
1. Focus on Your Child's Needs - Tell the Teacher Your Concerns
When disagreements cross the line and become conflicts, parents and teachers are usually both frustrated. Parents understand that conflicts are not just unpleasant. Conflicts can also affect the child involved. To get through the conflict issues:- Focus on your child's needs and not the emotional tone of the conflict.
- Ask questions about your concerns. Try to avoid making assumptions about things you're not sure of.
- Emphasize facts and appropriateness rather than who is right.
- Know your rights" under the IDEA.
- Begin with areas of agreement and work from there; and
- Separate people from the problem. Avoid personal criticism.
- Ignore inappropriate staff comments, and address them later with administrators.
2. When You and the School Disagree on What Your Child Needs
Disagreements are typically rooted in conflicting opinions, emotions, and communication. Listen carefully to others' arguments to try understand their point of view. Ask questions with the intention of understanding. Even if you disagree with a teacher's opinion, polite questioning encourages all of the IEP team members to think about the points of disagreement and may help both sides reach a compromise.3. Handling Disagreements Related to Conflicting Perceptions and Opinions
If teachers' perceptions are inaccurate, inform them without being critical. Teachers and parents bring important and necessary perspectives to the IEP team. To encourage open communication:- Allow each person to express opinions without interruption.
- Ask questions to clarify points.
- Be mindful of your body language and comments. The more poised and professional you are, the more your position will be respected.
- Ask for or current data such as test scores, work samples, observations, or other resources to promote understanding.
- Present information from outside resources such as a doctor or therapist who works with your child in settings apart from school.
4. Control Your Anger and Frustration - Emotions Stall the Resolution Process
To prevent emotions and stress from derailing resolution, recognize and understand educators' emotions as well as your own. Get to the root cause of the problem by talking about your feelings. It can be helpful to state your concerns in a form that focuses on the problem and not the person. For example, "When I saw Susan failed in math, I felt very confused and angry because I had not been told she was doing that poorly," would be more focused and less anger-provoking than, "You are not sending me reports on my child's work," which can sound accusatory and may cause defensiveness. The more focused the statement, the more likely it can be addressed.5. If There is No Communication, There is No Conflict Resolution
Improve understanding and reduce conflict by:- Being a good listener. Ask questions for clarification and reflect the message back to the speaker. Ask if your understanding is correct.
- Speak clearly and efficiently. Make brief notes to remind you of the points you want to discuss. Ask questions to ensure your points were understood. Try not to wander off topic.
- Speak for yourself and your child. Tell how the problem affects your child, what you have done to correct it, and what help you need from the school to address the problem more effectively.
- Be open to other opinions on what may help. Be willing to try other options when possible.
