Parents of children with learning disabilities too often find themselves in conflict with their children's schools. Conflicts usually occur when schools and parents disagree on individual education programs and services to be delivered. To successfully manage school conflicts, prepare ahead of time, and learn negotiating skills that will keep the focus on your child's needs.
1. Focus on Your Child's Needs - Clearly and Succinctly State Your Concerns
Manage Special Education Disputes by Focusing on Your Child's Needs
- Focus on your child's best interest;
- Ensure the views you are advocating are accurate, valid, and reasonable;
- Emphasize what is right rather than who is right;
- Know your rights" under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA).
- Begin with areas of agreement and work from there; and
- Separate people from the problem, and avoid personal criticism.
2. When You and Your Child's School Disagree on What Your Child Needs
Careful Listening Helps Identify the Root of the Conflict
Disagreements are typically rooted in conflicting perceptions, emotions, and communication. Listen carefully to others' arguments to understand the underlying "root cause" of the problem. Identifying the root cause may require asking probing questions. Business professionals sometimes use the ancient process of asking "Why?" five times. This process encourages the IEP team to think about underlying factors influencing the educators' or parents' opinions. This can be an effective strategy to use with educators to understand their perspectives.3. Handling Disagreements Related to Conflicting Perceptions and Opinions
Help Others Understand with Facts About Your Child
If teachers' perceptions are inaccurate, inform them without being critical. Teachers and parents bring important and necessary perspectives to the IEP team. To encourage open communication:- Allow each person to express opinions without interruption.
- Ask questions to clarify points.
- Be mindful of your body language and comments. The more poised and professional you are, the more your position will be respected.
- Ask for or current data such as test scores, work samples, observations, or other resources to promote understanding.
- Present information from outside resources such as a doctor or therapist who works with your child in settings apart from school.
4. Control Your Anger and Frustration - Emotions Stall the Resolution Process
Strong Emotions are Normal - Manage Your Comments and Actions
To prevent emotions and stress from derailing resolution, recognize and understand educators' emotions as well as your own. Get to the root cause of the problem by talking about your feelings. It can be helpful to state your concerns in a form that focuses on the problem and not the person. For example, "When I saw Susan failed in math, I felt very confused and angry because I had not been told she was doing that poorly," would be more focused and less anger-provoking than, "You are not sending me reports on my child's work," which can sound accusatory and may cause defensiveness. The more focused the statement, the more likely it can be addressed.5. If There is No Communication, There is No Conflict Resolution
Listening and Communicating Clearly are Important to Resolve Conflicts
Improve understanding and reduce conflict by:- Being a good listener. Ask questions for clarification and reflect the message back to the speaker. Ask if your understanding is correct.
- Speak clearly and efficiently. Make brief notes to remind you of the points you want to discuss. Ask questions to ensure your points were understood. Try not to wander off topic.
- Speak for yourself and your child. Tell how the problem affects your child, what you have done to correct it, and what help you need from the school to address the problem more effectively.
- Be open to other opinions on what may help. Be willing to try other options when possible.
