Some children will readily tell adults in the school or at home that there is a problem. To encourage students to be open about problems such as this, schools and parents should keep communication lines open by making time to ask students how they are doing on a regular basis. Establish trusting communication, and students will likely respond.
Some children may not confide in anyone about the bullying. It is not uncommon for them to withhold information or even deny that bullying is a problem. Children do this because they fear that the adults will not be able to help them or that they may make the situation worse. They may also believe the bully will retaliate against them or their friends. In these cases, it is likely the bully has threatened the student. If you suspect your child is being bullied but will not talk about it, some examples look for include:
- Unexplained bruises, cuts, or damaged clothing or school supplies;
- Sadness, difficulty sleeping, temper or emotional outbursts, picking on younger siblings;
- Fear of school, refusal to go to school, or cutting class;
- Dislike of recess and avoidance of unsupervised school areas such as the bathroom, despite the need to go;
- Withdrawal from friends and family, fear of parent communication with teachers;
- Complaints of physical problems without a medical reason;
- Any abrupt behavior change.
What to Do if You Suspect a Problem - Finding Support for Your Child
Encourage your child to talk with you about the problem. This may require some coaxing on your part. Some children will speak more freely when the two of you are engaged in a project. Try discussing it after story time, as you both work on household chores, or as you play a game. It may help to use "I statements." Say, "I feel concerned when you are so quiet." Then add, "Let's talk about it so we can work together to help." This approach often helps kids begin conversations that are difficult for them.
If your child will not open up, make some notes about specific behavior or signs that concern you. Call his teachers to discuss your concerns, and ask if they have noticed any problems at school. If they hasn't, ask her to watch for problems, and make a date and time to call again to follow up with her on her observations.
If you discover that bullying is a problem, talk with the teacher and also the principal or counselor at the school. If your child has a special education teacher, be sure to call him as well. Ask the teachers what they can do to help your child.
Most schools will welcome the opportunity to address the problem to ensure their school remains a safe place to learn for all children. In rare instances when the staff is not responsive, do not hesitate to call the district superintendent. If you do not find the help you need, contact your state's department of education. Your state's office that deals with special education issues often employs specialists in dealing with behavior and safe school issues. They can connect your school with the resources they need to deal effectively with bullying.
If your child has been injured or threatened with violence, always take this seriously. Contact the school and the local police department to report the problem. If you have any reason to believe your child's safety or life is in danger, do not hesitate to remove him from school until the problem is resolved. If necessary, you may want to consider other safer options, depending on resources available to you. Home-schooling, placement in a private school, and requesting that your school district to place your child in a different school, if one is available, are examples of alternatives that may work for you. Your local school counselors may also have additional suggestions and resources for you to consider.
