It happens to all parents of toddlers at some point, usually where we least want it to happen. It happens in the grocery store, in front of the in-laws, and at school and community functions. Arguing behavior, sassing, and back talk are some of the most frustrating parenting challenges we face. As with many parenting problems, your best defense against problem behavior is to be prepared ahead of time.
- Anticipate places and situations where your child is likely to argue with you. When possible, avoid exposing your child to those situations. For example, while riding in your grocery cart, if your child cries for every toy hanging at his eye level in the supermarket, keep your cart near the center of the aisle and reach for what you want. Distracting her and steering to the opposite side of the aisle work too.
- When it is necessary to correct your child, make sure you have her attention. Keep your comments clear, brief, and to the point.
- If your child begins to argue, simply repeat what you said. If the arguing continues, consider ignoring or timeout. The important thing is to not get into explaining your reasons for your decisions or trying to make your child see it your way. When your child is older, explanations and rationalizations can be effective. In toddlers, however, it mostly seems to encourage kids to argue more. Perhaps they believe that if they just cry a little harder or beg a little more, you'll give in.
- Prepare your child ahead of time for situations that may provoke arguments. Rehearse the situation with your child ahead of time.
- When you are out, as in shopping, bring along a favorite toy, healthy snacks, or activity to keep your child busy and focused. Providing appropriate alternate activities can help your child manage his own behavior.
- Know your child's limits, and work within them. If you know your child is likely to become cranky and argumentative after about two hours, work breaks into your schedule. Ensure she gets the physical play, nap time, or other comfort measure at the early signs of crankiness.
- Consistency is important in keeping your child's behavior under control. Ensure that both parents, baby sitters, and grandparents are aware of your child's routines and the consequences you use. While it may not be possible to get everyone doing exactly the same thing, caregivers using similar strategies can help.
- If your child is in an organized preschool or daycare program, find out what strategies are in use there, and use them at home. Again, consistency is key in managing behavior, and this is an excellent way to ensure common behavior expectations and consequences.
- Don't worry too much about what onlookers think. It is normal to feel embarrassed by your child's behavior and to feel as if you need to appear more strict than is actually necessary. Resist that temptation. Calmness, firmness, clarity, brevity, and consistency are your mantras.
-
Interact with your child by talking and playing language games:
- The Animal Thinking Game
- Visual Guessing Games
- More Thinking Games for Infants and Toddlers
